She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
