TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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