Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
