i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
