Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
