to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
