Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
