if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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