allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
