I want to have your abortion
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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