Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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