you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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