New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
