make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
