Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Say something about gay babies.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
