Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
