Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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