Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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