Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How does one acquire holy water?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
