So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
