i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
