If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
