I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
