everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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