Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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