love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
