Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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