Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
