I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just made out with a guy for $7.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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