I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
