Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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