You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
