can u get pink eye on your cock?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
