so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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