SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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