I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
