I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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