who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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