Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
