I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
