i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
