I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
