I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
