if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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