I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
