All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
