summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
