So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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