singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
PANTIES FOUND
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
