Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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