she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
