dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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