I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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