Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
