I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
