The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
