well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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