Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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