I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
