mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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