i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize