tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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