if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
