Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
