eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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