Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
