im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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