im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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