I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize