i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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