just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize