I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
