Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
