walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
