I accidentally burped into my bong.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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