We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
