Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
