if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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