Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
