I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
