plz talk dirty to me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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