i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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