so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
