There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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