mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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