just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
