Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't deserve a penis
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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