So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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