she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
