you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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