So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
