Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
