Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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