No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
