he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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