I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
