The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
