I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
not ubering you a puppy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
