He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
