I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
