I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize