I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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