remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
