So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
