I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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