Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
