I wish I could punch you in the face.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
