Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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