oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
