I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
