just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize