how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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