I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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