I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
