Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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