I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize