i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
