So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
