I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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