I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
