Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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