Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize