Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
