just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
